Some words about how gorgeous I am….
Look at all of these pictures of me hiding! And these are just ones I was willing to post!
Until extremely recently this is how it would go….someone would pull out a camera and I’d immediately find something or someone to hide behind. Because my son is usually the person right next to me, it’s been him! It’s shocking to see how many times I’ve put my son in front of me to hide in photos!
There’s a real specific type of ENERGY to that. And I’ve decided I’m no longer a fan of that behavior.
It’s been a long journey. I grew up active, thin and fit. In my 20’s I was a personal trainer & a body conditioning instructor. My free time was spent rock climbing, mountain biking, hiking, trail running, snowboarding and swimming.
I won’t get into the story (at least right now) of why I started gaining weight. But I’ve now officially been “overweight” (whatever that is supposed to mean! That word is an illusion…it’s programming!) Anyway, I’ve been at/around this weight/body shape for 9 years. It’s been a long journey filled with self-judgement and a lot of hiding (in numerous ways). The past 5 years I’ve been working HARD on self-love and self-acceptance and it’s been working! I can now honestly and truly say that I LOVE myself. I love this body. My body is so amazingly beautiful. My face is beautiful.
But there is still a disconnect.
I think I’ve identified it. When I am home in my own house I honestly can’t stop loving my body. I’ll even catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I pass it to do other things and I’ll blow myself a kiss or wink at myself and honestly my first thought is “I’m gorgeous!” But all of that changes when I leave the house. I have realized I no longer have a belief that I’m too fat or that I’m not beautiful. I know that I’m gorgeous! But the disconnect has been…I don’t trust that OTHERS can see that. I know that “society” operates with a certain programming and I think “Of course I can’t trust others to see my body as beautiful. They are under different programming!”
Ok good to know. But then why hide Catherine?
There are numerous areas of my life where I operate completely out of societies programmings. And I take that behavior out into society and see how people gasp as I behave that way and I don’t care. (Honestly, sometimes I basically get off on it). So…why this one?
Because this one runs DEEEEEEP.
And because everyone shed’s societies programmings in their own time…and it happens in layers too.
So, for me it’s time. I have started shielding myself (even more) when I leave the house. One of my favorite intentions/mantras is “I now put up my magical shield. I am protected and shielded from the collectives’ belief systems. I am shielded from other people’s belief systems. I remain rooted in highest Truths”. I am no longer willing to even have that TOUCH my energy field.
I wear a size 18. I’d declare my weight here too, but I don’t know what I weigh (because I don’t care). I am healthy & vibrant. Blood pressure, lung health, heart health, womb space health = all great. (Not that I have to prove that to anyone!) I am gorgeous. I take up space. I am merged with my body…with this gorgeous magical amazing vessel. And that took a HELL of a lot of work! And now, where I used to hide….it now seems unbearable to do so.
So, I won’t!
Go ahead and expect to see some changes from me :)
Comments